Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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