do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
