I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
