wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
