Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh