My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
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Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
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Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.