I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
