U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
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about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
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I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS