How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful