cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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