That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
