i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
