your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
