Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
