im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
