Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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