Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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