Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
