woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
