I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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