I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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