Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
