I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
