the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
