If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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