sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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