Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
