It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
