The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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