jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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