Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
