I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
