South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
