i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
