Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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