Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
