Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
