who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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