I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
only you would photoshop your dick
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
