have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
