She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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