it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
