matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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