cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
