he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
