How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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