If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
it glows. i had to have it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
