haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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