So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
