Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
