mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
