i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
