Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
