i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She bit a glass in half.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
