If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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