Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She's the barista slut.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
