They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
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I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
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Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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