First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
