I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
