Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
