you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
