Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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