You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
