I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
