If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
