I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
