only if we run a train.
done.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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