I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
