Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
