when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
