If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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