does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
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Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
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I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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