either way he was missing a nipple.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
