an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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