Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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